Its been one of those days when everything I look at reminds me of Mom.
Its been one of those days when everything people say to me reminds me of Mom.
Its been one of those days when I hear my phone ring and wonder if its Mom.
Its been one of those days when I pass a gold Chevy Impala and think, "Hey, that was Mom!"
Its been one of those days..... and it's barely even noon.
I could tell as soon as I woke up this morning that today was going to be one those Sunday afternoons when I would feel like going on an adventure. Often times after church on Sunday Mom and I would go on an excursion. If the rest of the family was busy with other things, and it was just the two of us, we'd always find something interesting to do.
Whether it was a simple trip to a new store, lunch and a movie, sitting at the lake and enjoying the view, or even riding the metro through D.C., she always had a new idea up her sleeve.
And this morning, for some reason, I knew it was going to be one of those days. I knew I was going to need someone to push me through the day.
I tried it on my own; I went on a mini adventure this morning after church. However, what I thought would be therapeutic for me ended up being a disaster. As I was driving to my destination, it all just became even more REAL again.
She wasn't with me.
She wasn't in that seat next to me.
This was no fun by myself.
So I turned around. I couldn't go on by myself. I was happy I made it as far as I did though; maybe one day soon I'll make it through the whole adventure.
Heading back towards town I knew where I wanted to be instead.
Not exactly the view of the lake Mom and I were used to. However, this is the place my Mama rests. Now I obviously know shes not really there; for I have no doubt in my mind that she is sitting with Jesus in Heaven right now. But today, for some reason, it gave me comfort to be there.
Isn't it amazing though, that as Christians we don't have to mourn as those who have no hope?
Yes, today I'm missing my Mom, and feeling sorry for myself that shes not here with me. But I can rejoice knowing the hope we have in Jesus Christ.
So as I sat there in the cemetery, reading those dates on the tombstone, I laughed when I realized that that second date means nothing. All that date reflects is Mom's final day on earth, but not the end of her life with Jesus.
So on days like today I cry. I reflect. I remember
I also rejoice, because we have a man named Jesus who gives us eternal life.
3 comments:
Beautifully written! Sometimes this life seems to last too long when we want to be with those who have gone before. So glad you are walking with God until you rejoin your mom. I know from experience, He's the only one who can see us through on days like this. You are loved!
Connie
Kristin,
I did the very same thing after my Mom died. Except for many times, I curled up by her grave and wept. I, too, know where my Mom is now (with Jesus), but I missed her physical presence here. I missed her phone calls, the times she would stay overnight with us to help out when one of the kids were sick, her hugs...just missed her physically here. The one day a few weeks later, I was cleaning out my cupboards and found one of my Mom's little baggies with her decaf tea and sweetener in it. I couldn't throw it away for a while because it brought back such good memories. Dearest Kristin, know that you are loved and being lifted up in prayer every day, but only the Lord can give you the peace you need. Hold on to Him with all of your might and He will carry you through this.
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