The Joys of Leftovers!

Tonight's dinner: Cornbread and Chili Casserole! 

I was going to say, "And here's dinner for the rest of the week", but  after eating the first piece I don't know if it will last that long! =] I was really hungry for something like this but couldn't find a single recipe that I had all the ingredients for. So I just kind of combined a few recipes and made the rest up as I went along, and it is quite delicious...if I may say so myself =] Now please excuse me while I go eat some more!

The Old Young Me!

I cannot tell you the last time I felt this good! I would have to guess back before I turned 16.

Finally I feel like my old self. The old young me :]

My Mom used to say, "Kristin, what happened to the happy side of you? You used to be so bubbly and happy all the time! Now you seem to have less excitement for life."

Well, people. The OLD Kristin is back. My energy is back. My thirst for fun and excitement is back. My longing to actually do something with my life is back!

So watch out world...the Kristin that my Mom loved is back and here to stay. She gave Satan a side kick to the throat and threw him away! Buh-bye!

For He has rescued us from the kingdom of 

darkness and transferred us into the 

Kingdom of his dear Son. ---Colossians 1:13

Somthin' from Nothin'

Today I took...

...a $5 flat bed sheet...

...a scrap of fun red fabric...

...and made new curtains!

Booya!

Take that $20-a-panel-curtains-from-Walmart! These actually match the room and didn't cost $40 :]

It Is Well

In church yesterday we sang what has become one of my favorite songs. I grew up in a Christian home and have been singing this song for years, but it took my Mom's death last August for me to really stop and listen to the words.

It is Well with my Soul. 

This song ran through my head the entire way home from the hospital the day Mom went home to Jesus. I knew then it was a gift from Mom, because at that very moment it was definitely NOT well with my soul; and if anything, I know she would have wanted us to be at peace with the new path our family was forced upon.

It was the lyrics of this song that gave me comfort that day. To know that not only "when peace like a river attendeth my soul", but also "when sorrow like sea billows roll", my God is there to make it Well with my soul.


I am reminded this Christmas season as I miss my Mom so much, that because of the hope I have in Jesus it really is Well with my soul!


"Lord haste the day when my faith shall be sight"


Oh, how I look forward to that day! If I had no hope in Jesus, my soul would not be right with what happened August 2010. However, I know without a doubt that one day my faith really will be sight, the clouds will roll back, and the trump shall resound!


Oh yes, I wish things were different and these trials had never come, but I know that Christ has regarded my helpless estate and shed His own blood for my soul, so I wait for His return.


And while I wait, it really is Well with my soul.

Loving This!

My grandparents are out of town for 2 weeks...actually they're visiting Mt. Rushmore with friends! So my cousin came over last night to hang out, and we discovered a cabinet full of pictures.

We found lots of pictures of our dads and uncles as babies and little boys. Sorry guys, but we laughed pretty hard at some of them :)

As soon as we saw this picture  <-- we both decided it was our favorite. I have no idea what year this is, but these are our wonderful Grandparents. Over 50 years of marriage and they're still as in love as the day they said "I do".  Thank you, God, for a wonderful family!

.....Look Out!

Do you remember playing dodge ball as a kid? We used to play it in our homeschool group's gym class all the time.

I would get myself all focused and ready to be the last one standing. However, it seemed more often than not, I'd be caught off guard, and I'd look up to see a dodge ball flying right towards my face.

SMACK!

.....I am so not an athlete......:-]

Anyway, thats kind of how I'm feeling right now. Life was moving on as normal, and then *SMACK* Mom passed away.

We're going through the grieving process and *SMACK* now we're moving out of our home.

While I'm excited about these next steps I'm about to take in my life, I feel as though I've been smacked in the face with a dodge ball again......I looked away for a minute and now my life is flipped upside down.

God is amazing, and basically dropped an apartment and job right in my lap. I will be moving into a newly remodled apartment in about 3 weeks, and this coming Monday I will be starting my new job working for my new landlord's companies.

I'll be trained in billing, accounting, tax prep, and all things office data entry :) I'm not sure what to call myself yet :)

The office I'll be working in is just a minute (literally) down the road from my apartment, and will most likely at some point in the future be moving to the basement of the house my apartment is in! (Its a rancher style house) Talk about walking downstairs to go to work :)

My new landlords/employers are Christians and Homeschoolers.....I feel so at home already :)

One of the best part is I'm back in the county I so desperately didn't want to leave! I've loved living with my grandparents, and will have lived with them a little over a month when I move into my apartment, but I was missing the 'community' feeling of this beautiful county.

As soon as remodeling is done, I'll be moving in!

So even though life smacked me in the face when I wasn't ready, I've already seen (with the apartment and job) how God is taking care of me. I don't know what the next year, or as I've learned recently, the next day holds, but I know He will be there with me.......every step of the way.

Sweet Memories for Christmas

The teddy bear in this picture is in fact, my favorite Christmas gift this year!

Yes, you may expect to hear this from a 5 year old, but from a 21 year old.....?

Let me explain why this bear is so incredibly special to me.

After my Mom passed away, my Aunt Kathy asked dad for two of Mom's favorite shirts. Dad picked out her pretty cream colored shirt with maroon flowers, and her favorite salmon colored shirt.

Aunt Kathy and Uncle Chris had the shirts made into 'Comfort Bears', and rigged our family's Christmas jingle so they ended up mine and Jaime's names. At our family Christmas they gifted us with these Oh so special bears!

Jaime loved the salmon colored bear, since it was Mom's favorite color and a shirt she wore all the time. I immediately fell in love with the above pictured one, since I was with Mom the day she bought that shirt. I remember standing in the store with her that day and helping her pick in out. 

Thank you so, so much, to my wonderful Aunt and Uncle. You filled this first Christmas without my mama with very sweet and special memories. I love my bear, and I'm afraid I may wear it out from hugging it so much; it almost feels like I'm hugging my Mama again :)
And thanks to my Dad.....he picked out the two best shirts possible!

I also received a beautiful necklace from Brittany, my brother's girlfriend. It has the word 'Mom' engraved on it and came with a tear jerking quote:

"Children and Mothers never truly part, bound in the beating of each other's heart."

Thank you so much, Brittany. You also helped fill this Christmas with sweet memories! Your thoughtfulness really touched me and Jaime....hey, you made us both cry:)

The End of The Journey

Christmas Eve had finally arrived. While many people around me were excited for the following day, I was looking forward to 11pm Dec 24th, 2010. For you see, this is the time I was to take my very last dose of my medicine....EVER!

I was so excited to have finally reached this special day!

So, its Christmas Eve and I'm standing alone in my Kitchen. I'm having a staring contest with my pill case; knowing that this would be the last time to open it for this particular medicine, I wanted to savor the moment.

My glass of nice cold Root Beer is sitting in front of me, just waiting to wash down that final dose.

I slowly open the case, pick up the capsule, crack it open, and drop one teeny tiny bead onto the palm of my hand.

Commence staring contest with teeny tiny white bead.

As I'm taking in the moment, my thoughts begin to drift back to memories of the previous 12 months.

I start thinking about:

• All the pharmacists Mom and I talked to to make sure we were measuring my dosages just right
• The countless hours we spent counting out hundreds upon hundreds of the awful white beads
• How hard it was for me to figure out all the dosages on my own in the weeks following Mom's death

So many thoughts and memories were going through my head, and I will be honest, I started to cry.....actually, sob might be a more accurate description. It was the end of the journey that Mom had started with me, and she had never left my side on the path until her final day in August. And now, standing alone in the kitchen, I realized how empty the 'happiness' felt without her here.

I stare at this little white bead on my palm, knowing that this is it; I had to swallow it and close this chapter...with or without Mom. As I pick my glass up off the table with my right hand, I accidentally bump my left hand (the one holding the bead) and watch in horror as that teeny tiny white beads drops out of my hand, rolls across the counter, and *PLOPS* right over the edge onto our kitchen floor....which just so happens to be the same color as the medicine.

I stop mid-sob, not quite sure how that just happened. In that moment, my sobs turn to laughter, and I end up in one of my laughing fits that make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts!

Here I was being so serious about this last bead, and thinking of what I've lost since the beginning of this journey that I was forgetting how happy of an event it was. God reminded me of this when he sent that bead bouncing across my kitchen floor ;)

So, after wiping the tears from my eyes (this time they were tears from laughing so hard), I open up that pill case, drop another bead onto my hand, stick it on my tongue, and *gulp* down it went.

It was another one of the times when I could feel Mom standing there with me, talking to me, reminding me that she is where she wants to be, and giving me the courage to face another day.....another stage.....without her.

I'm now only taking my supplements for my adrenal glands!

593 Down.......

......3 to go! Remember way back in this post I talked about weaning myself off my horrible awful anti-depressant? Well, I'm still working on that, but the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter! I'm down to taking 3 teeny-tiny little white beads of this stuff; just over 1mg!

I made a big mistake about 3 weeks ago. Getting down to 6 beads all the way from 60mg was a huge step that seemed to take forever! So, I thought 6 beads couldn't be that big of a deal, right? My dumb self decided that I could just stop taking them right then. No big deal.

Well, I almost turned that light at the end of the tunnel into a train! The first day after I skipped a dose I had immediate side effects. Not quite as bad as when I tried to stop at 60mg, but they were still pretty nasty.

I guess 6 beads are a bigger deal than I thought!

So, I'll continue with my 3 beads the rest of this week, and then 2 the following few weeks. After that I'll just be taking 1 awful little bead for 2-3 weeks, until my body is adjusted to the tiny amount and I feel I function without it.

Pray for me over the next month or so as I end this part of my journey. Its hard without Mom here. She was so supportive through all of my medical issues, and as much as I'm happy to be near the end, I wish she was here to celebrate with me. I'm sure she's watching me from heaven and having a party for me though :)

I also need to make an appointment with my doctor. She wanted to see me again once I was off the medicine. I dread that appointment, because at this point she is unaware that Mom has passed away.

My House Was Built Upon The Rock

I love when God gives you encouragement and shows you His love at a time when you're least expecting it. It's the same kind of feeling you get when your spouse/boyfriend brings you flowers, "Just because I felt like it". You feel loved and your spirit goes from feeling a little blue, to feeling loved!

I had an experience like that today with God. I was really missing Mom, but had Jaime's three oldest kids with me so I was trying to use them as a distraction. We were headed to Burger King for lunch (because yes, I am the fun Aunt :-] ) and I had children's songs playing that I had downloaded to my MP3 player for such a time as this.

---On a totally side note, I was thrilled to find out that 1 car seat and 2 booster seats fit comfortably in the back seat of my SUV! ---

Ok, that's the end of that rabbit trail......

We were singing along to the songs and having fun when the song The House Upon the Rock came on. I few lines into the song is when it hit me.

The song basically talks about where you're putting your faith and what will happen when a 'crisis' arrives. I'm sure many of you know this song, so I won't explain more.

I was reminded right then that I am so fortunate to have been given the parents who helped raise me with my faith built strong. Our family has definitely been through a flood lately, and I have no idea how we would have pulled through if our faith was built on a weak foundation.

If I had absolutely no faith in Jesus Christ, I would have spent the past few months mourning, to put it bluntly, my dead Mom. There would be no hope.

However, because of my strong foundation, I sit here and yes, mourn that my Mom died and is no longer hear with me on earth, but not that shes dead because she is NOT! She is alive and well, and happier than she ever has been before.

So, on a day when I needed my Mom, God stepped in and said, "Look what I have done for you Kristin! Because my Son died a horrible death, your Mom is now dancing on my streets of Gold! You know that you do not mourn as one who has no hope! I love your Mom, and wanted her here with me. She is happy, Kristin. Rejoice for her that she is in MY presence. Keep your faith built on the rock!"   

I thank God everyday that I was taught how to build my strong foundation. I don't know how that would have happened without the parents that I have, but I'm sure God could have found another way. However, that is not how He choose to work my life. I thank Him for putting me in a Christian home with a Strong Foundation!

So, put your House Upon The Rocks..... it'll stand up so much longer when life sends a flood.

"Exhortations to Embrace Wisdom"

That is a section heading in my Bible in Proverbs chapter 1. Normally I don't pay much attention to those headings, but that one really caught my attention. It made sense, but I felt the need to look up the word, "Exhortations".


Trusty dictionary.com gave me this definition:


 an utterance, discourse, or address conveying urgent advice or recommendations.
 
 
So, I concluded that this heading was identifying the section I was about to read as something of 'great urgency'. I put on my concentration cap, and was determined to find something good :-]
 
Commence reading Proverbs Chapter 1, beginning at verse 8.
 
"Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake you mother's teaching."
 
*cha ching
 
Now, I don't know what I would do without my dad! Life throws so many hard decisions at you at a rate that would throw a Whirling Dervish out a whirl! Now that I have a Sound of Music song stuck in your head, I will continue :)
So basically, I feel like I'm always going to my dad for instruction and advice.


The second part of this verse says:


".....and do not forsake your mother's teaching."




 
Back to dictionary.com:  Forsake
 
to quit or leave entirely; abandon; desert
 

Maybe if I had read this verse of few weeks ago, I wouldn't have thought too much about it. I grew up in the church and have heard this kind of teaching my whole life. "I know this already." However, with recent circumstances, the second part of this verse really hit home with me.

Maybe I'm biased, but I strongly believe that my Mom was included in the group 'The most intelligent people that walked this earth'. :) She always seemed to have an abundance of knowledge on any given subject. On rare occasion this could get annoying.....like when you would be in an argument with her and eventually realize that she was right, and that would just make you even more upset :)

However, 95% of the time I would find myself so thankful that she knew so much! I knew I could ask mom anything, and she would have some amazing words of wisdom for me. She never overused this though; many times her answer to me would be that I should figure a particular problem-dilemma-or whatever out by myself. Whatever the circumstance was, by the time it was all figured out, I would discover that mom had been right all along. It was a comfort knowing I could always go to her for teaching, wisdom, advice...etc. I 'embraced' her wisdom.

Proverbs 1:8 is telling me to not Forsake this teaching/wisdom.

"Do not 'quit' your mother's teaching"

"Do not 'abandon' your mother's teaching"

"Do not 'desert' your mother's teaching"

I sat there staring at the page. How can I not 'quit, abandon, or desert' my mother's teaching when she isn't here for me to go to every day? I remember a lot of the stuff she taught me over the years but after time, when she isn't here to 'refresh my memory', how will I keep all of her wisdom in my head? 15 years from now when I'm in the middle of a crisis how am I going to recall all of this? 

These were NOT comforting thoughts!

As I sat there beginning to panic a little, I heard a small voice in my head.

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you"

Ahhh! I search my concordance (thanks to Mom and Dad who bought me a bible with an amazing concordance!) for the word comfort, and there it was. Isaiah 66:13.

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you"

So even though when I read Proverbs 1:8 and thought, "I know this already", God had something else he wanted me to get out of it. 

Even though Mom is not with us anymore, I can't go to her everyday for that teaching, and I've lost that comfort that only a mom can give, I still have JESUS! He wants me to Embrace Him!

HE wants to comfort me. HE wants to be the one I go to for wisdom. When I'm in a crisis or dilemma HE wants to be my answer.

Even a little thing like proof-reading a new post before I published it was something Mom would always do.....I never published a post without her advice on its contents. I cherished her advice. However, now I say a short prayer before I start typing, and trust God that I will be able get through it without her wise comments and edits.

Just as God used this verse to remind me to 'Embrace Him', I pray that it also reminds you!
He wants you to embrace Him. He wants to be that voice in your head offering wisdom.

Relationships fail you, friends fail you, and death may rob you of a loved one. But God will never fail you. He will ALWAYS be there. Embrace Him!

Answered Prayers

Many people have been asking me about my new job, and I'm sure there are just as many who know nothing about it. So, I thought I'd do a short post and let my family and friends know the details.

About a week after my Mom passed away, I got a message on facebook from her cousin. She said her mom works with a doctor who is expecting her third child and is looking for a Nanny.

She gave her my phone number, and within a few days the doctor gave me a call. I met with her in her office last Friday, and was invited to her house on Sunday to meet her husband and two little girls.

After spending about an hour at her house, I was offered the position! I'll be starting part-time a few weeks after the baby is born. She is due this weekend, so it won't be long now :)

Once she goes back to work (Mid-October) I'll start full time. The baby will obviously be with me all day, and I'll be getting her two girls off the school bus about 2:30 each day. Most of my hours will be Monday-Thursday, with just a few hours Friday morning.

This is the job I have been praying for since I was about 18 years old! I know it's only through God that this has all fallen into place so quickly since I got that message on Facebook!