This is not the post I had originally planned for this evening. In fact, it's totally off the topic of the first planned post. But I had a conversation with someone today that put my brain on this track, and with all the attention Mother's Day is getting on the radio...TV...Internet...my mind will not rest until I type this out.
I will warn you, this details several events from the last days of my Mom's life here on earth. If you prefer not to read such details please don't continue. Also, I don't know what my point is yet. Usually when I start a post I have an ending point in mind...I know the message I'm trying to get across.
Not this time. Maybe by the time I reach the end of this white screen I'm filling with words my mind will have figured that out. Until then, though, I'm just going to type what is on my heart.
August 8th, 2010
It's Sunday morning. I'm running back and forth between my bedroom and the bathroom getting ready for church. My nephew Noah had spent the night with us, so I have a little shadow following me around.
I hear my dad call me from his bedroom, and I didn't think anything sounded any different about his voice...I don't remember it sounding panicked or alarmed, so when I turned the corner into my parents bedroom what I saw totally caught me off guard.
There was my Mom leaning against my dad, one hand on her chest, and one side of her body looking really weak. I will never forget the look in her eyes as my eyes met hers. She looked scared. And anyone who knew my mom will understand that she didn't scare easily.
"I think your Mom had a stroke", my dad said through tears. "Oh Kristin, what do we do?
The hairbrush I had in my hand dropped to the floor as I said, "Call 911!"
I raced to retrieve the phone as millions of thoughts were clogging my brain.
I was no stranger to calling 911 for Mom. The first time I had that experience it was just Mom and I at home. It was my 18th birthday and we were getting ready for a day of shopping and pampering. Just over 2 months since her surgery, when she started to have pain in her chest she feared a heart attack.
In the end, it was not that serious. She had just tried to do too much too soon after her surgery and caused a teeny tiny chip in a bone.
So as I was running to get the phone on the morning of August 8th, one of the thoughts that was clogging my brain was, Not again. Please God, let her be ok this time too!
Dispatcher: 911, what's your emergency?
We need an ambulance. I think my Mom had a stroke!
Dispatcher: Ok ma'am, can you tell me why you think she has had a stroke?
Her speech is slurred, she can't use one of her arms. She's a heart patient.
Dispatcher: Ok, we have an ambulance on the way. I need to you make sure your Mom is laying flat with no pillows, and as still as possible. Can she tell you her name?
I ran back the hallway where I see dad has laid Mom down on the bed, and I give him the instructions to lay her flat with no pillows. Leaning over the bed I say, Mom, can you tell me your name.
She tried. And when she couldn't tell me her name, the look of panic in her eyes intensified, and that's when I couldn't control it anymore. I burst into tears but still managed to finish the conversation with the dispatcher.
Between then and the time the ambulance showed up it seemed like a year had passed. I had to call my sister and brother-in-law and tell them the news and ask them to go get Noah. I sat with Mom trying to keep her calm. Moving Mom's new car out of the way so the ambulance could drive through the yard to the front door wasn't so much fun.
The ambulance finally arrived, we gave them a list of her medicines and a brief rundown of her health history.
The next step was to get me and dad in the car and out the driveway. My sister quickly showed up to follow us down in her car, and I made the dreadful call to my brother who had left for church while we were all still sleeping earlier that morning.
You need to go to the hospital. We think Mom had a stroke and she just left in the ambulance.
Wray: She had a WHAT?!
Not exactly the phone call you want to make to a sibling.
And that's where my thoughts end. I'm hopeful that now that I've typed this out my mind will rest a little now.
Maybe it's because Mother's day is right around the corner that has my mind thinking about my last day I had with mine. I don't know. But I know that what happened in the hospital, watching Mom being life flighted, and the dreadful trip to the second hospital are not playing a part in my thoughts right now.
I'm consumed with the last moments I had with Mom in our home.....the last few days and weeks before her stroke.
And thats it. Maybe I'll have more to add to this later; but for right now I'm finished.
Showing posts with label To Reflect. Show all posts
Showing posts with label To Reflect. Show all posts
June 16, 2011
Loving This!
We found lots of pictures of our dads and uncles as babies and little boys. Sorry guys, but we laughed pretty hard at some of them :)
As soon as we saw this picture <-- we both decided it was our favorite. I have no idea what year this is, but these are our wonderful Grandparents. Over 50 years of marriage and they're still as in love as the day they said "I do". Thank you, God, for a wonderful family!
March 20, 2011
One of Those Days
Its been one of those days.
Its been one of those days when everything I look at reminds me of Mom.
Its been one of those days when everything people say to me reminds me of Mom.
Its been one of those days when I hear my phone ring and wonder if its Mom.
Its been one of those days when I pass a gold Chevy Impala and think, "Hey, that was Mom!"
Its been one of those days..... and it's barely even noon.
I could tell as soon as I woke up this morning that today was going to be one those Sunday afternoons when I would feel like going on an adventure. Often times after church on Sunday Mom and I would go on an excursion. If the rest of the family was busy with other things, and it was just the two of us, we'd always find something interesting to do.
Whether it was a simple trip to a new store, lunch and a movie, sitting at the lake and enjoying the view, or even riding the metro through D.C., she always had a new idea up her sleeve.
And this morning, for some reason, I knew it was going to be one of those days. I knew I was going to need someone to push me through the day.
I tried it on my own; I went on a mini adventure this morning after church. However, what I thought would be therapeutic for me ended up being a disaster. As I was driving to my destination, it all just became even more REAL again.
She wasn't with me.
She wasn't in that seat next to me.
This was no fun by myself.
So I turned around. I couldn't go on by myself. I was happy I made it as far as I did though; maybe one day soon I'll make it through the whole adventure.
Heading back towards town I knew where I wanted to be instead.
Its been one of those days when everything I look at reminds me of Mom.
Its been one of those days when everything people say to me reminds me of Mom.
Its been one of those days when I hear my phone ring and wonder if its Mom.
Its been one of those days when I pass a gold Chevy Impala and think, "Hey, that was Mom!"
Its been one of those days..... and it's barely even noon.
I could tell as soon as I woke up this morning that today was going to be one those Sunday afternoons when I would feel like going on an adventure. Often times after church on Sunday Mom and I would go on an excursion. If the rest of the family was busy with other things, and it was just the two of us, we'd always find something interesting to do.
Whether it was a simple trip to a new store, lunch and a movie, sitting at the lake and enjoying the view, or even riding the metro through D.C., she always had a new idea up her sleeve.
And this morning, for some reason, I knew it was going to be one of those days. I knew I was going to need someone to push me through the day.
I tried it on my own; I went on a mini adventure this morning after church. However, what I thought would be therapeutic for me ended up being a disaster. As I was driving to my destination, it all just became even more REAL again.
She wasn't with me.
She wasn't in that seat next to me.
This was no fun by myself.
So I turned around. I couldn't go on by myself. I was happy I made it as far as I did though; maybe one day soon I'll make it through the whole adventure.
Heading back towards town I knew where I wanted to be instead.
Not exactly the view of the lake Mom and I were used to. However, this is the place my Mama rests. Now I obviously know shes not really there; for I have no doubt in my mind that she is sitting with Jesus in Heaven right now. But today, for some reason, it gave me comfort to be there.
Isn't it amazing though, that as Christians we don't have to mourn as those who have no hope?
Yes, today I'm missing my Mom, and feeling sorry for myself that shes not here with me. But I can rejoice knowing the hope we have in Jesus Christ.
So as I sat there in the cemetery, reading those dates on the tombstone, I laughed when I realized that that second date means nothing. All that date reflects is Mom's final day on earth, but not the end of her life with Jesus.
So on days like today I cry. I reflect. I remember
I also rejoice, because we have a man named Jesus who gives us eternal life.
January 2, 2011
2010: A Year In Review
Here is a review of 2010, Skidmore style. I searched through my pictures to find some of the best, and this is what I came up with. There are a few months without pictures.....this is due to me not being very faithful in picking up my camera.
January:
This just so happens to be one of those months without pictures! There are no family birthdays and no special holidays, therefore I didn't take any pictures....not one!
Well, even if there was no reason for me to pull out my camera, important decisions were made this month. In January I decided, on the advice of my doctors and parents, to start weening myself off my medicine. Great way to start 2010!
February:
March:
April:
May:
June:
July:
August and September:
August started out just like any other month, but sent my family for a horrifying ride when on the morning of the 8th, at approximately 7:50am, my Mom suffered a really bad stroke while getting ready for church. At first it appeared as though she may pull through when the tests in the ER started coming back with a little hope attached. However, a little over 24 hours later, my family and our two pastors stood around her bed saying our goodbyes. Mom joined Jesus in Heaven on 8/9/10 at 1:21pm.
When I think about those two days, some parts are still so vivid; almost like it just happened yesterday. I remember laying my head down on her chest, and collapsing into the chair behind me when I heard her final heart beat. I remember my brother helping we walk back to the waiting room after we left Mom's room for the last time, and the sympathetic glances from the nurses in the hall ways. I remember the first phone call I made to my cousin, Sarah, letting her know that Mom's battle was over. I remember the hospital chaplain who, in those few hours right after mom's death, sat with me on the hospital floor helping me work through initial trauma of it all. She was an elderly lady and by the time we were done I had to help her up off the floor because she had sat there with me so long.
The next month and a half all seem like a blur. After the few days of Mom's viewing and funeral my mind goes totally blank. I can't tell you what I did to occupy my time in August, and September is worse. They are like blank pages in the year of 2010.
October:
November:
The day after Thanksgiving, my cousin Sarah and I layed around in our PJs watching a marathon of What Not To Wear, and laughing at all our crazy friend who were Black Friday shopping :) The following day we went to a city about an hour from my house and spent the day Christmas shopping.....minus all the black friday craziness :)
January:
This just so happens to be one of those months without pictures! There are no family birthdays and no special holidays, therefore I didn't take any pictures....not one!
Well, even if there was no reason for me to pull out my camera, important decisions were made this month. In January I decided, on the advice of my doctors and parents, to start weening myself off my medicine. Great way to start 2010!
February:
 |
| In February, our Thursday Sister's Bible study held a 'dress night'. It was a total girly night, filled with trying on lots and lots of pretty dresses. My wonderful Mother had a love-themed study prepared for us, in honor of valentines day. In this picture we are both wearing on Mother's wedding dress! |
 |
| Please don't let this picture worry you! :) I celebrated my 21st birthday shopping in a nearby city with my Grandfather and Mother. Later that evening we met up with the rest of my family for dinner at my favorite restaurant! This picture was taken as a joke for my 21st birthday, with a bottle of ROOT BEER! I promise! |
 |
| I do believe March is also the month (please correct me if I'm wrong, Wray) that my brother purchased his new motorcycle! |
 |
| On Maundy Thursday, my Mom organized a Bible Marathon. A group of about 15 people met at our house, and read through the 4 gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. We ended the event, that lasted until about 4:30am, by taking Holy Communion. It was a great way to start the Easter Weekend, and everyone agreed that is should become a yearly tradition. My mom always had the greatest ideas! |
 |
| My Niece and Nephews received this little John Deer Gator as a Easter gift from our Grandfather. Not really a significant event, but I love this picture and had to include it :) |
May:
 |
| On May 30th, at 7:26am, my Sister and her husband welcomed their 4th child into the world! Leanna Rose has been such a special blessing for our entire family. |
 |
| There are many pictures from June on my computer, but I thought this one pretty much summed up the 'going-ons' around here. This little girl was so happy to have a baby sister, and it was hard to convince her to not hold her 24/7 :) |
July:
 |
| On July 17th, My Mom's side of the family held its annual family reunion at a local State Park. My mom's cousin was serving over seas at the time, hence the patriotic theme and "We Miss You" sign. |
August started out just like any other month, but sent my family for a horrifying ride when on the morning of the 8th, at approximately 7:50am, my Mom suffered a really bad stroke while getting ready for church. At first it appeared as though she may pull through when the tests in the ER started coming back with a little hope attached. However, a little over 24 hours later, my family and our two pastors stood around her bed saying our goodbyes. Mom joined Jesus in Heaven on 8/9/10 at 1:21pm.
When I think about those two days, some parts are still so vivid; almost like it just happened yesterday. I remember laying my head down on her chest, and collapsing into the chair behind me when I heard her final heart beat. I remember my brother helping we walk back to the waiting room after we left Mom's room for the last time, and the sympathetic glances from the nurses in the hall ways. I remember the first phone call I made to my cousin, Sarah, letting her know that Mom's battle was over. I remember the hospital chaplain who, in those few hours right after mom's death, sat with me on the hospital floor helping me work through initial trauma of it all. She was an elderly lady and by the time we were done I had to help her up off the floor because she had sat there with me so long.
The next month and a half all seem like a blur. After the few days of Mom's viewing and funeral my mind goes totally blank. I can't tell you what I did to occupy my time in August, and September is worse. They are like blank pages in the year of 2010.
October:
 |
| In October, 11 members from my family went to the Outer Banks for vacation. We had considered cancelling the trip, but after thinking about it, we realized that Mom would have wanted us to go. We had a great week, and it ended up being just what we needed. Time away from home and familiar things was very therapeutic. |
November:
 |
| Our Thursday Sisters Bible Study celebrated its One year anniversary! This is a Bible Study that my Mom and I started, and it ended up being a very special evening. |
 |
| We spent Thanksgiving at my cousins apartment, and it was so nice to be around family. I've realized that when you lose someone so close to you, the best medicine is family! The beautiful lady in the middle is my Grandma Carol. She and my sister are the closest things I have to a Mom. She is such a special lady! |
The day after Thanksgiving, my cousin Sarah and I layed around in our PJs watching a marathon of What Not To Wear, and laughing at all our crazy friend who were Black Friday shopping :) The following day we went to a city about an hour from my house and spent the day Christmas shopping.....minus all the black friday craziness :)
 |
| That week was the start of advent, and I tried to make it as normal as possible for my family. I don't think I succeeded as well as I had hoped, but was happy that I got it as far as I did without Mom. |
December:
We also tried to keep Christmas as normal as possible, and I think we did a pretty good job. However, it was obviously not quite the same, and I think we all felt Mom's absence. Theres just something about a mother's touch that makes life more special.
 |
| We celebrated New Years with a party at our house. My brother and I had some friends over, and we spent the evening having fun, goofing off, and eating :) |
 |
| This is some of the 'fun' I mentioned above. Wray and Luke are dancing to the party music.....there are some videos of this, but I thought I'd spare you :) |
2011:
So, what does 2011 look like for my household? Craziness, I'm sure. After Mom passed away, we went from being a family living together, to three adults headed in three totally different directions. Nothing has been decided for sure yet, so I'll save details for a later post, but know that some major changes will be taking place in this Skidmore family in 2011.
Blessings to you all for the coming year! May you remember to turn your heart to Jesus and savor every moment you have with family......our time in this life is not guaranteed.
So, what does 2011 look like for my household? Craziness, I'm sure. After Mom passed away, we went from being a family living together, to three adults headed in three totally different directions. Nothing has been decided for sure yet, so I'll save details for a later post, but know that some major changes will be taking place in this Skidmore family in 2011.
Blessings to you all for the coming year! May you remember to turn your heart to Jesus and savor every moment you have with family......our time in this life is not guaranteed.
December 16, 2010
Left Behind
Its that time of year again. That time when you can't find a parking spot, when you have to squeeze you're way past people in the aisle, and when the check-out line is an entire mile long. Oh yes, this is the season of 'happiness'.
I was raised in a home where, especially around Christmas time, we were taught to keep our focus on the real meaning of the season and make gifts and material items secondary. Being together as a family and celebrating what Christmas means was always at the top of my list.
I'm reminded even more this year how unimportant 'stuff' is. As I walk through Mom's closet I often pick up her favorite sweater and breathe in really deep to catch that comforting scent. I'll look through the many books on her shelves, treat her house plants like babies to avoid killing what she worked so hard NOT to kill, stare at her closet full of clothes and shoes.
This year it seems my ears are ringing with 'gimmie' and 'I HAVE to buy that!' and it has really hit home. One day we're all going to die (unless Jesus comes before then, and let me tell you....I am so looking forward to that day! I mean, Jesus and my Mom all in one day! What could be better than that?!), and when we do we leave behind all this stuff. While her sweater is comforting and provides me with a much needed cry quite often, it doesn't mean anything.
What matters is what Mom left behind in us, her kids, her family, her friends.
I see so much of my Mom in my sister as she is raising her family. Sometimes I'll hear Jaime saying something to her kids and think, "Wow, that sounds just like something Mom would say!"
Whenever a decision needs to be made (or un-made :) ) I definitely see Mom in Wray. He has her strong and discerning spirit.
Her memories are important. Sometimes I just sit and reflect over the past 21 years; I try to soak all those memories even deeper into my heart, so I'll never forget them.
LifeNet Health, the organ donation company, has been so helpful to us. Every few weeks we'll receive a nice letter and 'grief aid' from them. Last week we received the Angel Catcher Journal. I've been working my way through some of it, and it has been such a huge help.
Here is part of a story from The Angel Catcher that gave me the inspiration for this post.
At first, after my brother died, I wanted to hang on to everything that he had ever owned or touched. One day, I found a dusty old back-pack in Dan's room. Rummaging through it, I discovered an ancient toothbrush buried under a pile of photographs and papers. I wanted to treasure it forever. I eventually forced myself to throw away the toothbrush and his battered comb because I realized that the person who had made them special to me is with me always---through my memories. ---Amy Eldon Turteltaub
Its the memories, and the things about that person that are special to us, not the amount of 'stuff' they owned. So I challenge you this Christmas to avoid getting caught up in the material side of the season, and concentrate on family. Being with your family is one of the most special gifts that you will ever receive!
I was raised in a home where, especially around Christmas time, we were taught to keep our focus on the real meaning of the season and make gifts and material items secondary. Being together as a family and celebrating what Christmas means was always at the top of my list.
I'm reminded even more this year how unimportant 'stuff' is. As I walk through Mom's closet I often pick up her favorite sweater and breathe in really deep to catch that comforting scent. I'll look through the many books on her shelves, treat her house plants like babies to avoid killing what she worked so hard NOT to kill, stare at her closet full of clothes and shoes.
This year it seems my ears are ringing with 'gimmie' and 'I HAVE to buy that!' and it has really hit home. One day we're all going to die (unless Jesus comes before then, and let me tell you....I am so looking forward to that day! I mean, Jesus and my Mom all in one day! What could be better than that?!), and when we do we leave behind all this stuff. While her sweater is comforting and provides me with a much needed cry quite often, it doesn't mean anything.
What matters is what Mom left behind in us, her kids, her family, her friends.
I see so much of my Mom in my sister as she is raising her family. Sometimes I'll hear Jaime saying something to her kids and think, "Wow, that sounds just like something Mom would say!"
Whenever a decision needs to be made (or un-made :) ) I definitely see Mom in Wray. He has her strong and discerning spirit.
Her memories are important. Sometimes I just sit and reflect over the past 21 years; I try to soak all those memories even deeper into my heart, so I'll never forget them.
LifeNet Health, the organ donation company, has been so helpful to us. Every few weeks we'll receive a nice letter and 'grief aid' from them. Last week we received the Angel Catcher Journal. I've been working my way through some of it, and it has been such a huge help.
Here is part of a story from The Angel Catcher that gave me the inspiration for this post.
At first, after my brother died, I wanted to hang on to everything that he had ever owned or touched. One day, I found a dusty old back-pack in Dan's room. Rummaging through it, I discovered an ancient toothbrush buried under a pile of photographs and papers. I wanted to treasure it forever. I eventually forced myself to throw away the toothbrush and his battered comb because I realized that the person who had made them special to me is with me always---through my memories. ---Amy Eldon Turteltaub
Its the memories, and the things about that person that are special to us, not the amount of 'stuff' they owned. So I challenge you this Christmas to avoid getting caught up in the material side of the season, and concentrate on family. Being with your family is one of the most special gifts that you will ever receive!
October 8, 2010
My House Was Built Upon The Rock
I love when God gives you encouragement and shows you His love at a time when you're least expecting it. It's the same kind of feeling you get when your spouse/boyfriend brings you flowers, "Just because I felt like it". You feel loved and your spirit goes from feeling a little blue, to feeling loved!
I had an experience like that today with God. I was really missing Mom, but had Jaime's three oldest kids with me so I was trying to use them as a distraction. We were headed to Burger King for lunch (because yes, I am the fun Aunt :-] ) and I had children's songs playing that I had downloaded to my MP3 player for such a time as this.
---On a totally side note, I was thrilled to find out that 1 car seat and 2 booster seats fit comfortably in the back seat of my SUV! ---
Ok, that's the end of that rabbit trail......
We were singing along to the songs and having fun when the song The House Upon the Rock came on. I few lines into the song is when it hit me.
The song basically talks about where you're putting your faith and what will happen when a 'crisis' arrives. I'm sure many of you know this song, so I won't explain more.
I was reminded right then that I am so fortunate to have been given the parents who helped raise me with my faith built strong. Our family has definitely been through a flood lately, and I have no idea how we would have pulled through if our faith was built on a weak foundation.
If I had absolutely no faith in Jesus Christ, I would have spent the past few months mourning, to put it bluntly, my dead Mom. There would be no hope.
However, because of my strong foundation, I sit here and yes, mourn that my Mom died and is no longer hear with me on earth, but not that shes dead because she is NOT! She is alive and well, and happier than she ever has been before.
So, on a day when I needed my Mom, God stepped in and said, "Look what I have done for you Kristin! Because my Son died a horrible death, your Mom is now dancing on my streets of Gold! You know that you do not mourn as one who has no hope! I love your Mom, and wanted her here with me. She is happy, Kristin. Rejoice for her that she is in MY presence. Keep your faith built on the rock!"
I thank God everyday that I was taught how to build my strong foundation. I don't know how that would have happened without the parents that I have, but I'm sure God could have found another way. However, that is not how He choose to work my life. I thank Him for putting me in a Christian home with a Strong Foundation!
So, put your House Upon The Rocks..... it'll stand up so much longer when life sends a flood.
I had an experience like that today with God. I was really missing Mom, but had Jaime's three oldest kids with me so I was trying to use them as a distraction. We were headed to Burger King for lunch (because yes, I am the fun Aunt :-] ) and I had children's songs playing that I had downloaded to my MP3 player for such a time as this.
---On a totally side note, I was thrilled to find out that 1 car seat and 2 booster seats fit comfortably in the back seat of my SUV! ---
Ok, that's the end of that rabbit trail......
We were singing along to the songs and having fun when the song The House Upon the Rock came on. I few lines into the song is when it hit me.
The song basically talks about where you're putting your faith and what will happen when a 'crisis' arrives. I'm sure many of you know this song, so I won't explain more.
I was reminded right then that I am so fortunate to have been given the parents who helped raise me with my faith built strong. Our family has definitely been through a flood lately, and I have no idea how we would have pulled through if our faith was built on a weak foundation.
If I had absolutely no faith in Jesus Christ, I would have spent the past few months mourning, to put it bluntly, my dead Mom. There would be no hope.
However, because of my strong foundation, I sit here and yes, mourn that my Mom died and is no longer hear with me on earth, but not that shes dead because she is NOT! She is alive and well, and happier than she ever has been before.
So, on a day when I needed my Mom, God stepped in and said, "Look what I have done for you Kristin! Because my Son died a horrible death, your Mom is now dancing on my streets of Gold! You know that you do not mourn as one who has no hope! I love your Mom, and wanted her here with me. She is happy, Kristin. Rejoice for her that she is in MY presence. Keep your faith built on the rock!"
I thank God everyday that I was taught how to build my strong foundation. I don't know how that would have happened without the parents that I have, but I'm sure God could have found another way. However, that is not how He choose to work my life. I thank Him for putting me in a Christian home with a Strong Foundation!
So, put your House Upon The Rocks..... it'll stand up so much longer when life sends a flood.
September 6, 2010
"Exhortations to Embrace Wisdom"
That is a section heading in my Bible in Proverbs chapter 1. Normally I don't pay much attention to those headings, but that one really caught my attention. It made sense, but I felt the need to look up the word, "Exhortations".
Trusty dictionary.com gave me this definition:
an utterance, discourse, or address conveying urgent advice or recommendations.
So, I concluded that this heading was identifying the section I was about to read as something of 'great urgency'. I put on my concentration cap, and was determined to find something good :-]
Commence reading Proverbs Chapter 1, beginning at verse 8.
"Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake you mother's teaching."
*cha ching
Now, I don't know what I would do without my dad! Life throws so many hard decisions at you at a rate that would throw a Whirling Dervish out a whirl! Now that I have a Sound of Music song stuck in your head, I will continue :)
So basically, I feel like I'm always going to my dad for instruction and advice.
The second part of this verse says:
".....and do not forsake your mother's teaching."
Back to dictionary.com: Forsake
to quit or leave entirely; abandon; desert
Maybe if I had read this verse of few weeks ago, I wouldn't have thought too much about it. I grew up in the church and have heard this kind of teaching my whole life. "I know this already." However, with recent circumstances, the second part of this verse really hit home with me.
Maybe I'm biased, but I strongly believe that my Mom was included in the group 'The most intelligent people that walked this earth'. :) She always seemed to have an abundance of knowledge on any given subject. On rare occasion this could get annoying.....like when you would be in an argument with her and eventually realize that she was right, and that would just make you even more upset :)
However, 95% of the time I would find myself so thankful that she knew so much! I knew I could ask mom anything, and she would have some amazing words of wisdom for me. She never overused this though; many times her answer to me would be that I should figure a particular problem-dilemma-or whatever out by myself. Whatever the circumstance was, by the time it was all figured out, I would discover that mom had been right all along. It was a comfort knowing I could always go to her for teaching, wisdom, advice...etc. I 'embraced' her wisdom.
Proverbs 1:8 is telling me to not Forsake this teaching/wisdom.
"Do not 'quit' your mother's teaching"
"Do not 'abandon' your mother's teaching"
"Do not 'desert' your mother's teaching"
I sat there staring at the page. How can I not 'quit, abandon, or desert' my mother's teaching when she isn't here for me to go to every day? I remember a lot of the stuff she taught me over the years but after time, when she isn't here to 'refresh my memory', how will I keep all of her wisdom in my head? 15 years from now when I'm in the middle of a crisis how am I going to recall all of this?
These were NOT comforting thoughts!
As I sat there beginning to panic a little, I heard a small voice in my head.
"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you"
Ahhh! I search my concordance (thanks to Mom and Dad who bought me a bible with an amazing concordance!) for the word comfort, and there it was. Isaiah 66:13.
"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you"
So even though when I read Proverbs 1:8 and thought, "I know this already", God had something else he wanted me to get out of it.
Even though Mom is not with us anymore, I can't go to her everyday for that teaching, and I've lost that comfort that only a mom can give, I still have JESUS! He wants me to Embrace Him!
HE wants to comfort me. HE wants to be the one I go to for wisdom. When I'm in a crisis or dilemma HE wants to be my answer.
Even a little thing like proof-reading a new post before I published it was something Mom would always do.....I never published a post without her advice on its contents. I cherished her advice. However, now I say a short prayer before I start typing, and trust God that I will be able get through it without her wise comments and edits.
Just as God used this verse to remind me to 'Embrace Him', I pray that it also reminds you!
He wants you to embrace Him. He wants to be that voice in your head offering wisdom.
Relationships fail you, friends fail you, and death may rob you of a loved one. But God will never fail you. He will ALWAYS be there. Embrace Him!
Trusty dictionary.com gave me this definition:
an utterance, discourse, or address conveying urgent advice or recommendations.
So, I concluded that this heading was identifying the section I was about to read as something of 'great urgency'. I put on my concentration cap, and was determined to find something good :-]
Commence reading Proverbs Chapter 1, beginning at verse 8.
"Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake you mother's teaching."
*cha ching
Now, I don't know what I would do without my dad! Life throws so many hard decisions at you at a rate that would throw a Whirling Dervish out a whirl! Now that I have a Sound of Music song stuck in your head, I will continue :)
So basically, I feel like I'm always going to my dad for instruction and advice.
The second part of this verse says:
".....and do not forsake your mother's teaching."
Back to dictionary.com: Forsake
to quit or leave entirely; abandon; desert
Maybe if I had read this verse of few weeks ago, I wouldn't have thought too much about it. I grew up in the church and have heard this kind of teaching my whole life. "I know this already." However, with recent circumstances, the second part of this verse really hit home with me.
Maybe I'm biased, but I strongly believe that my Mom was included in the group 'The most intelligent people that walked this earth'. :) She always seemed to have an abundance of knowledge on any given subject. On rare occasion this could get annoying.....like when you would be in an argument with her and eventually realize that she was right, and that would just make you even more upset :)
However, 95% of the time I would find myself so thankful that she knew so much! I knew I could ask mom anything, and she would have some amazing words of wisdom for me. She never overused this though; many times her answer to me would be that I should figure a particular problem-dilemma-or whatever out by myself. Whatever the circumstance was, by the time it was all figured out, I would discover that mom had been right all along. It was a comfort knowing I could always go to her for teaching, wisdom, advice...etc. I 'embraced' her wisdom.
Proverbs 1:8 is telling me to not Forsake this teaching/wisdom.
"Do not 'quit' your mother's teaching"
"Do not 'abandon' your mother's teaching"
"Do not 'desert' your mother's teaching"
I sat there staring at the page. How can I not 'quit, abandon, or desert' my mother's teaching when she isn't here for me to go to every day? I remember a lot of the stuff she taught me over the years but after time, when she isn't here to 'refresh my memory', how will I keep all of her wisdom in my head? 15 years from now when I'm in the middle of a crisis how am I going to recall all of this?
These were NOT comforting thoughts!
As I sat there beginning to panic a little, I heard a small voice in my head.
"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you"
Ahhh! I search my concordance (thanks to Mom and Dad who bought me a bible with an amazing concordance!) for the word comfort, and there it was. Isaiah 66:13.
"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you"
So even though when I read Proverbs 1:8 and thought, "I know this already", God had something else he wanted me to get out of it.
Even though Mom is not with us anymore, I can't go to her everyday for that teaching, and I've lost that comfort that only a mom can give, I still have JESUS! He wants me to Embrace Him!
HE wants to comfort me. HE wants to be the one I go to for wisdom. When I'm in a crisis or dilemma HE wants to be my answer.
Even a little thing like proof-reading a new post before I published it was something Mom would always do.....I never published a post without her advice on its contents. I cherished her advice. However, now I say a short prayer before I start typing, and trust God that I will be able get through it without her wise comments and edits.
Just as God used this verse to remind me to 'Embrace Him', I pray that it also reminds you!
He wants you to embrace Him. He wants to be that voice in your head offering wisdom.
Relationships fail you, friends fail you, and death may rob you of a loved one. But God will never fail you. He will ALWAYS be there. Embrace Him!
August 23, 2010
A Jumbled Up Mess
My mind is blank. Usually when a lot has been going on in my life I have soooo much to say in a post. However, this time I don't have any words to describe what has been going on in my head.
My thoughts are all jumbled up.
This past year or so I was with my mom pretty close to 24/7.
Its weird to look over in the passenger seat in the car and all thats there is my purse.....
Its weird when the phone rings and I think, "That must be mom calling from work".....
Its weird when my cell phone vibrates and I wonder if its mom checking on you.....
Its weird to see that none of the books on the bookshelf have moved in two weeks.....
Its weird when mail comes addressed to Karen Skidmore, or a telemarketer calls asking for her.....
I can't explain how I feel. Empty.....Numb.....Lonely.....Lost....I don't know.
All I know is I lost my best friend...My Mom, and I'm having a hard time finding 'normal'. I know this process will take a long time, but I didn't know it would be this hard.
Mom is so much happier where she is now, and I wouldn't wish her back into this ugly world. But my selfishness wants my Mom back. I want to hug her. I want to tell her how much I love her. I want to have our girl talks at 1am again. I want her guidance and wisdom....her support. I want her to be here with us.
But life isn't about what you WANT, and I have to remember how happy Mom is.
None of this seems real.
My thoughts are all jumbled up.
This past year or so I was with my mom pretty close to 24/7.
Its weird to look over in the passenger seat in the car and all thats there is my purse.....
Its weird when the phone rings and I think, "That must be mom calling from work".....
Its weird when my cell phone vibrates and I wonder if its mom checking on you.....
Its weird to see that none of the books on the bookshelf have moved in two weeks.....
Its weird when mail comes addressed to Karen Skidmore, or a telemarketer calls asking for her.....
I can't explain how I feel. Empty.....Numb.....Lonely.....Lost....I don't know.
All I know is I lost my best friend...My Mom, and I'm having a hard time finding 'normal'. I know this process will take a long time, but I didn't know it would be this hard.
Mom is so much happier where she is now, and I wouldn't wish her back into this ugly world. But my selfishness wants my Mom back. I want to hug her. I want to tell her how much I love her. I want to have our girl talks at 1am again. I want her guidance and wisdom....her support. I want her to be here with us.
But life isn't about what you WANT, and I have to remember how happy Mom is.
None of this seems real.
July 23, 2010
Starting Over
My life has taken many different twists and turns since the last time I had a blog. So much has happened that I almost feel like a completely different person. That is why I made the decision to start over from the beginning. New blog name, new background, new reason for blogging.....a new me!
I have so much I want to type, so much in my head. Seriously cannot wait to start this blogging adventure again!
I have so much I want to type, so much in my head. Seriously cannot wait to start this blogging adventure again!
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