My mind is blank. Usually when a lot has been going on in my life I have soooo much to say in a post. However, this time I don't have any words to describe what has been going on in my head.
My thoughts are all jumbled up.
This past year or so I was with my mom pretty close to 24/7.
Its weird to look over in the passenger seat in the car and all thats there is my purse.....
Its weird when the phone rings and I think, "That must be mom calling from work".....
Its weird when my cell phone vibrates and I wonder if its mom checking on you.....
Its weird to see that none of the books on the bookshelf have moved in two weeks.....
Its weird when mail comes addressed to Karen Skidmore, or a telemarketer calls asking for her.....
I can't explain how I feel. Empty.....Numb.....Lonely.....Lost....I don't know.
All I know is I lost my best friend...My Mom, and I'm having a hard time finding 'normal'. I know this process will take a long time, but I didn't know it would be this hard.
Mom is so much happier where she is now, and I wouldn't wish her back into this ugly world. But my selfishness wants my Mom back. I want to hug her. I want to tell her how much I love her. I want to have our girl talks at 1am again. I want her guidance and wisdom....her support. I want her to be here with us.
But life isn't about what you WANT, and I have to remember how happy Mom is.
None of this seems real.
August 23, 2010
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2 comments:
Kristin, I am so sorry.
I remember when my stepmother died tragically ... there were just no words to express how I felt. All I could say to anyone was it felt like a rug had been pulled out from under me, I fell down, and I couldn't get back up. I just felt wiped out (mentally, physically, emotionally).
But the stages and phases of grief are real and a process one has to to through - and God will be with you ever step of the way.
I am so sorry you feel as though you have lost your best friend. I will be praying for the Holy Spirit to fill in those ginormous gaps, for only He is able at this time to understand and fill. Oh Comforter, Come. In Jesus name. Amen. Love, Laura
Kristin:
you all have been in my prayers daily and I am serious when I say if you need anything, I am here. I know it must be extremely hard for you and maybe some days you don't even feel like getting out of bed. I pray for comfort for all of you and that you will feel God wrapping his arms around you each day. I know you were extremely close to your mom and I am glad that you had such a great relationship with her but I know it's harder. The great thing is that everything your mom taught you is instilled in you. Don't know what to say to make the hurt go away but I'm here if you need to talk or get out or whatever. Love ya.
Jen
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