Sometimes, a second seems like a year.
Sometimes, a minute seems like a decade.
And yet, sometimes a month seems to fly by faster than a millisecond.
Time has become a very strange thing in my life since 8-9-10.
Its a few days past the 3 month mark of my Mom's passing into glory. I cannot speak for how the rest of my family members are dealing with their grief, as we all have different ways. I do know there are times when one of us is strong, and the next needs a little extra help to get through the day. God is so good to give us each other to lean on.
The hardest time of the day for me is early morning. This was Mom's favorite time of day, and when I'm getting ready for work in the morning my mind always drifts towards her. Sometimes this makes me want to just get back in bed and hide from the world, and other times I can hear her voice......I hear her encouraging me to get out there and face the day.
At least 3 or 4 times a week my brain gets stuck on one channel, as I like to describe it. My mind goes back to that horrible morning when Mom had her stroke. No matter what I do and how I try to distract myself, my mind replays that entire day and a half. From remembering the very last conversation we had just 20 minutes before her stroke, to leaning my head down on her chest in the ICU to hear her heart beat its last few beats, nothing I do can stop the vision in my brain. Its the closest thing to torture I have ever experienced.
I have been learning to take it one day at a time. For the first few weeks after her funeral, I tried to put all the pieces back together. I tried to find my normal, but quickly realized just how long of a process this is......realized that I may be taking it 'one day at a time' for the rest of my life.
Sometimes I don't know how three months have flown by so fast, and other times it feels like a year ago already.
Just taking it one day at a time.
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3 comments:
Good job.
Continue to be gentle with yourself.
It is a tremendous adjustment, requiring a lot of time and patience.
Kristin---Yep, I feel the same way, exactly. So many times during the week, my mind will replay those last moments, just like you described. It's terrible. I try to think of something else, but often times, it's like I just 'want' to hang on to those last memories of Mom. We'll keep holding on to each other....
Oh dear, I so imagine how hard it is. But I am glad to be able to say that at least the "last memories" fade with the time. They stay there and make me incredibly sad when I think of those days and hours, but I think of them very seldom.
I found that I could hardly remember our happy times during the first year, since this hurt just too much, but those moments came back after the initial grief and today I remember a lot of happy moments again.
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