Torn In Two --- It Hurts So Bad

I was laying in bed last night staring at the ceiling. There was nothing I could do to make my mind stop spinning.....nothing I could do could relieve the ache in my head, the soreness in my stomach, the pain in my back. Every part of me hurt. I kept thinking, "If I can just make my thoughts stop swirling long enough so I can fall asleep, then I can finally rest." My thoughts are what where making every inch of my body hurt.

I was thinking about Mom; how much I miss her. And in knowing where she is, and how she is just one step ahead of the rest of us this wonderful plan God has set up called eternity, I knew I couldn't wish her back. She is where she needs to be. But it hurts to be here without her. It's like your body is being ripped in two.

Then I found myself wishing to go back to the week when Mom passed away. I know it sounds crazy...who would want to relive something so horrific?

But when thinking about that week I can remember the last conversation I had with her before her stroke.

I can remember the last time I held her hand and kissed her cheek in the hospital.

I can remember feeling so much love from family and friends, and the amazing support from my Pastor's family that week.

I can remember knowing just how special my Mom was from the hours people stood in line at the funeral home.

I can remember being amazed as I stood on the stage and looked out over the amount of people in our church sanctuary for her funeral. My Mom was special to so many people.

It was during that week that I was reminded just how amazing my Mom was. Now, over a year later, life has moved on.

I ache to see her again, I ache to feel near to her again. At the same time, I ache to be able to keep moving forward, and live the life I know Mom wanted for me.....even if that no longer includes her.

My sister says all this way better than I can. Read her post at http://www.curtisfour.blogspot.com/

On August 9th of this year there was almost a feeling of relief. We had made it through one year without Mom.....we know knew we could do anything. She would want us to keep on going without her, and most importantly she would want us to live our lives for Jesus Christ.

And that's exactly what I intend on doing...even through the pain, because I know this man called Jesus who is part of my life, is spending every day with my Mom in heaven. He will keep us connected.....now through eternity!