What I Wish I Could Have Said

Standing by my mother's side during her final hours there was a lot I wish I could have said. But during times like that, with watery eyes and a throat that seems to be about 1/10th it's normal size cutting off air supply, talking isn't really the easiest thing to do.

For hours all I could get out was,

I'm so sorry, Mom

and

I love you so much!

So I decided that on this day, Mother's Day, when everyone tells their moms just how much they mean to them, I will do the same. I want to tell my Mom what I wanted to say so bad on August 9th, 2010.

Dear Mom,
      I can't believe this day is here. You always told me to prepare myself, that Jesus may call you home sooner than we expect. I always ignored you when you said that, because I didn't want to believe it was true. But here we are. It doesn't seem fair to me that your life was cut so short.
     Today I lost not only my Mom, buy my best friend. You always told me I needed to go do things with my friends, and "stop hanging around your Mom so much", but oh how glad I am now that we have all those memories! Truth is, I wanted to spend so much time with you because I wanted to learn how to be just like you. You are my hero...my inspiration...my source of strength.

     Yes, we had our rough times, and quite an argument just 5 days before Jesus decided he needed you home with Him. But we always managed to work things out, and yes...you were right 99.9% of the time :) I'm sorry for every hurtful thing I ever said to you. You knew I didn't mean them. I sometimes feel that our rough times were caused because we were so much alike :)
     I'm going to miss seeing your smile everyday, and passing notes in church...shhh :) I will miss our random road trips, and your creative ways to make Sunday afternoons interesting! 
     No one will ever make cabbage and carrot burritos quite like yours, even though I may try from time to time. And I wish I knew exactly how you made your potato soup. You must not follow the recipe, because I have tried and it never turns out quite like yours.
     Will you tell me where you hid the "Mom's secret handbook"? You always claimed there wasn't such a thing, that you were just that smart :) But how did you always manage to have the right answers to all my problems? I'm still convinced you had a guide book! lol
     And I promise that I will keep our secret about the theater at The Creation Museum! If ever I get to go back there with someone else, I won't say a word :) Oh, and that crazy movie incident? Mums the word!
     Thank you Mom, for all the memories! I will never forget all the sacrifices you made being our mom, and I can only hope to be half the mom you were someday. You were selfless. You were encouraging. You were motivating. You were superb. You were Super Mom!
     You should have been here for many more years, but Jesus decided you needed to come home. And with the peace only Jesus can give, I know we will be ok. It will hurt, and I will miss you all the days of my life, but knowing we will see you again makes this a little less, 'final'.
     I love you and miss you already!
             'Til we meet again,
                     Your Kristin Baby
                            aka "My strong willed and stubborn child" ...sorry about that :)