Because Writing Things Down Gets Stuff Off My Mind

This is not the post I had originally planned for this evening. In fact, it's totally off the topic of the first planned post. But I had a conversation with someone today that put my brain on this track, and with all the attention Mother's Day is getting on the radio...TV...Internet...my mind will not rest until I type this out.

I will warn you, this details several events from the last days of my Mom's life here on earth. If you prefer not to read such details please don't continue. Also, I don't know what my point is yet. Usually when I start a post I have an ending point in mind...I know the message I'm trying to get across.

Not this time. Maybe by the time I reach the end of this white screen I'm filling with words my mind will have figured that out. Until then, though, I'm just going to type what is on my heart.

 August 8th, 2010

It's Sunday morning. I'm running back and forth between my bedroom and the bathroom getting ready for church. My nephew Noah had spent the night with us, so I have a little shadow following me around.

I hear my dad call me from his bedroom, and I didn't think anything sounded any different about his voice...I don't remember it sounding panicked or alarmed, so when I turned the corner into my parents bedroom what I saw totally caught me off guard.

There was my Mom leaning against my dad, one hand on her chest, and one side of her body looking really weak. I will never forget the look in her eyes as my eyes met hers. She looked scared. And anyone who knew my mom will understand that she didn't scare easily.

"I think your Mom had a stroke", my dad said through tears. "Oh Kristin, what do we do?
 
The hairbrush I had in my hand dropped to the floor as I said, "Call 911!"

I raced to retrieve the phone as millions of thoughts were clogging my brain.

I was no stranger to calling 911 for Mom. The first time I had that experience it was just Mom and I at home. It was my 18th birthday and we were getting ready for a day of shopping and pampering. Just over 2 months since her surgery, when she started to have pain in her chest she feared a heart attack.

In the end, it was not that serious. She had just tried to do too much too soon after her surgery and caused a teeny tiny chip in a bone.

So as I was running to get the phone on the morning of August 8th, one of the thoughts that was clogging my brain was, Not again. Please God, let her be ok this time too!

Dispatcher: 911, what's your emergency?

We need an ambulance. I think my Mom had a stroke!

Dispatcher: Ok ma'am, can you tell me why you think she has had a stroke?

Her speech is slurred, she can't use one of her arms. She's a heart patient.

Dispatcher: Ok, we have an ambulance on the way. I need to you make sure your Mom is laying flat with no pillows, and as still as possible. Can she tell you her name?

I ran back the hallway where I see dad has laid Mom down on the bed, and I give him the instructions to lay her flat with no pillows. Leaning over the bed I say, Mom, can you tell me your name.

She tried. And when she couldn't tell me her name, the look of panic in her eyes intensified, and that's when I couldn't control it anymore. I burst into tears but still managed to finish the conversation with the dispatcher.

Between then and the time the ambulance showed up it seemed like a year had passed. I had to call my sister and brother-in-law and tell them the news and ask them to go get Noah. I sat with Mom trying to keep her calm. Moving Mom's new car out of the way so the ambulance could drive through the yard to the front door wasn't so much fun.


The ambulance finally arrived, we gave them a list of her medicines and a brief rundown of her health history.


The next step was to get me and dad in the car and out the driveway. My sister quickly showed up to follow us down in her car, and I made the dreadful call to my brother who had left for church while we were all still sleeping earlier that morning. 


You need to go to the hospital. We think Mom had a stroke and she just left in the ambulance.

Wray: She had a WHAT?!

Not exactly the phone call you want to make to a sibling.


And that's where my thoughts end. I'm hopeful that now that I've typed this out my mind will rest a little now.

Maybe it's because Mother's day is right around the corner that has my mind thinking about my last day I had with mine. I don't know. But I know that what happened in the hospital, watching Mom being life flighted, and the dreadful trip to the second hospital are not playing a part in my thoughts right now.

I'm consumed with the last moments I had with Mom in our home.....the last few days and weeks before her stroke.

And thats it. Maybe I'll have more to add to this later; but for right now I'm finished.